Portfolio - Painfully Dull

Gutter Butterfies

By Painfully Dull / Category Angst

I'm sleeping in the gutter,
And humming to the man with his intestines out
Cigarette burning low between his fingers
But you're still the free spirit who loosened my shackles
Why weren't you my destiny?
You stole my heart,
And I stole your smile.
We're broken butterflies
In a heavy world.
I waited for you on the stage,
But you were drinking booze in the back
Because a bottle can't play coy.
Then we stopped,
We kissed until we turned this place upside down.
Lost in ash and shattered glass
In the rubble that was home
Tattered wings trapped in
The ruins of our past
Laughing with flattened lungs
Bloody hands clapping
Your sweater string on my stairway
didn't you know?
I'm already tied
You broke down the door jamb
And I
Broke down and cried.
I'll think of you in sunshine
In snow or
In rain
While sweeping up the shadows and spent pleasures in the corner-
I want to burn this
This worn mask
This torn facade
Because I can't stand looking at myself through your windows
I'm just the same as you'd think I would be
In fragments and full of doubt
Alone
Scared
And dreaming of better days
The smell of lilac on your breath
The gardenia in your mind
So, I'm sleeping in the gutter
Tired, torn and intoxicated;
Laying on this damp pavement, a bed of bruises
Where whores wag their asses
To feed screaming mouths
I think of a time
Between you and I
When tragedy was just a genre
Grasping at my suitcase full of
Worry and dusty regrets.
You could never walk down these streets-
don't worry, I know
Only abusive, abstract echoes
Kiss the gritty curb again.
Hopes are stained with age-
Your dreams
And little lies in notebooks
Scribbled in corners of the footnotes of our lives
But I wanted you to know
I'm still looking up at the stars
And thinking that
The sun just might shine my way.

© Copyright Heather Kelliker


Additional Info

I wrote this, did the background music and read it. I hope you like it!

1 Recent Comments

Posted (6)
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COMMENTS:
191
After_hours 7 years, 9 months ago New Comment

holy crap, .. i have no experience with the spoken word nor have i ever endevoured the act myself, but had you asked me what i thought of the spoken word yesteday id have probably said im not a fan, ... until now, until i gave it a shot and let it be... loved it,.. really really loved it,.. the background tones were perfect to hold in-sted but not to take away from the tale or engulf by volume, and your voice sounded fantastic and related from personal thought to tongue to the telling.. will be sure to make the audio area a place of visiting much more often.. thankyou and very well done.

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COMMENTS:
464
genocide pony 7 years, 9 months ago New Comment

and you're anything but dull or painful ..

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COMMENTS:
464
genocide pony 7 years, 9 months ago New Comment

i love this Heather .. i just listened to it again .. and it's probably one of my favourite pieces .. i fully appreciate it being able to hear and read along with your voice rather than just reading words on a screen .. i tend to skim over things and miss them when i just read poems .. please record more for us .. your voice is beautiful .. x.

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COMMENTS:
549
Stryder 7 years, 9 months ago New Comment

I agree the audio is marred by the music and your voice is a bit blurred to fully appreciate....I enjoy the audio side of things and I thought that it might be used more often than it is - which is a shame; but it's there for people if and when they're ready to have a go...

There is without doubt another dimension to the poem when you hear its author recite. I would strongly urge you to fully up, perhaps this time without music or with music more faintly in the background so your voice takes centre stage....I really enjoy performance pieces or just pieces read aloud. It's great you've had a go but this recording is definitely a bit echo-y and the music was distracting...sounds like music played backward, or when a tape chews up!!

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COMMENTS:
468
ness 7 years, 9 months ago New Comment

a quiet forlorn sullen lost thing....your voice is slightly softly hypnotizing.....
the poem was edgy and hurting from curtain up, and the reading of it was, well...it left me tired in a good way. sad and shaken, looking for my love over my shoulder....

beautifully rendered.

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COMMENTS:
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genocide pony 7 years, 9 months ago New Comment

goodness .. you have the most beautiful voice .. i only wish that i could hear you better because you spoke that so perfectly and i find the music has drowned you out a little :( .. but the music is a nice touch too and suited the piece perfectly ..

you spoke this with such conviction and it's a stunning poem .. would love to hear your others read ..

In the rubble that was home
Tattered wings trapped in
The ruins of our past
Laughing with flattened lungs
Bloody hands clapping
Your sweater string on my stairway
didn't you know?
I'm already tied
You broke down the door jamb
And I
Broke down and cried.
I'll think of you in sunshine
In snow or
In rain


it is amazing .. how different the effect is when it is spoken .. I will come back to this many many times .. please don't remove it .. ever :)

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