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11/03/13 04:53:10
Posts: 134

my hard drive crashed the day i had the 2nd or third meet with a cool guy
i was offered a children's story book job.

this was on september 7.


lee passed his relicense for LMT.

he has not gotten a job yet.

very charitable ppl have helped us along the way.

he is frustrated.

we are keeping smiles high

my hard drive was restored. it is in kentucky

it has the last 3 years
of tons of music and art.

all emails dating back to when i first got on
g m ail and others

[oh my] if i did not delete these myself

all letters never sent
all letters never writ
secrets stored
in boxes
and not
prayers sent i didn't believe in

against a wretched flower of a heart

i did not want to unfold

and yet it still did

how can one keep from unfolding

for this is impossible

if one truly wants life

one will reach and grab for it

so here i am

i do not know if i have the cash to do pa y pal

i went against my whole resoluteness
became part of
g o o g l e plus
why not

a wrench in the system not thrown
what am i

or something

this is a seed planted

i have to look at it this way

i can only grow

kages are not good to make home

i wanted to write on july 3rd
when lee gave me a strip of branch from a tree
because he didn't have a wedding ring
to give me

and i gave it back to him

so i would not destroy it
and that is when we were

really married


and everything got in the way

but here i am none the less.

ramsie marie shick
married to lee john milton
my favorite person in the world

love to all of you

i have made some art.
its hard to finish stuff.
and i have lost a lot of art.

what is new.

no vem

12/13/13 07:04:02
Posts: 134
Reply: Reminder..

my mom finally put up holiday decor in her home. not that all this matters. she stopped doing this when lee went into the ice on the 20th of december 2010. before that she wa like - had downgraded from a real tree to fake tree. that was after her folks died and they moved to where i live and there really its snow and she really doesn't have any friends but me. well i am sure she has friends. but not like "any friends that go way back" or who know things about her and how she grew up".

i remember a day when everyone forgot her birthday. literally because her folks were recently dead and i happened to be very sick and was not very much there for her.

then like skip to the future of 3 years ago

and my husband is in the icu on my dads birthday

and forget about all holidays which is the only time

any family is together.
which was dwindling anyway.

well i saw it as a good sign

she put up

her little snowmen
and a small little tree with some things on it.

ornaments that really she had given to myself and some others that i gave back
because i knew i could nt hang on to them

i love my mother.
i can look at the things in life and see only warped thing
and feel like
the underbelly of

like the worst of film
that should not be shown
even those who would fight for freed of speech would say

"ban that"

"ban that" "it is a terrible thing"

"knowledge too sick for any orifice"


i talk to my mother
and i
am close to some semblance of normal

i do not know what compels me to wrote this right now
and i do not know what compels me to
write this
noone comes here

i think
secret spaces are cool

and yet

secret spaces

i do not know

i haven't wanted to write

every time i do

collisions of fury
latent collisions of fury
as if they came from me
and they did not

brides the fact i am poor with words
but so full of love


12/13/13 07:04:57
Posts: 134
Reply: Reminder..

the 25th word reads as "ice" it should read as ICU.

12/19/13 15:39:26
Posts: 134
Reply: Reminder..

i recall seeing on the bulletin board people making lists of things they "liked" or it was "list favorite things"

and i turned half hard a stoic
melting 4 ways from 4 directions inside
to the middle than out
diffused forever
i would like this to not be this way

"i cannot do that"
i cannot ever like anything again.
i cannot remember what i liked and there is no room or
no place to like anything
i have no me to like anything
however i liked or at least looked at others
what they liked
lists of things people treasured

it is going dark now i am afraid so
fuzz out.

before roger fuzz

and other days after that.

roger fuzz

12/20/13 17:50:28
Posts: 181
Forum Admin
Reply: Reminder..

on this board Rams?

12/21/13 08:04:52
Posts: 134
Reply: Reminder..

i do not recall.
it was a long time ago.

i think it was taken down.
but it was on this "circus bulletin in general"

everyone listed their favorite things.
huge long lists

songs bands
then made up silly stupid fairy tale things
[it was cool]
i think
even secret things
they wouldn't mention in
real words
one person described their child as a fairy tale monster
but it was obvious this was their child and truly lovable
stuff like this

i read the thread-
wavs of grief came upon me
i couldn't even say

"call up a memory"
it was all over for me.

but it's so different now.
i was recalling other peoples favorite things and realizing
their favorite things
got me

in a way, back then.

i have other issues now. albeit different and they seem harder
only because

i think?
its been "the long haul of it"

but i am very happy to not
be where we were
3 or 2years ago.
really wild. i mean of course i want it easier.
its just so wild.
it is a wild celebration of sorts under the earth, or something.

i am throwing words out.
i am not trying to be poetic.

12/21/13 14:25:02
Posts: 181
Forum Admin
Reply: Reminder..

I remember that :) .. I think they were deleted back when we considered closing down this place, and then had a change of heart .. wish I had left them now

why don't you start a new one .. just click on the new topic button in the forum :)


12/22/13 07:15:10
Posts: 134
Reply: Reminder..

that was a good idea! i guess i should have thought of that.

"i am not all that smart up in the front part regions!" hahahahahahahah

12/22/13 07:17:21
Posts: 134
Reply: Reminder..

oh -
"but in the nehterlandz of my arsebark i got a pretty full warkin brain!"
"and don't you think different!"

a very bony IQ i have and that is why i carry around

an asspad.

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